Here It Comes!!

New Years is about 5+ hours away.

It has been some kind of year.  Great, scary, funny, sad, happy, hard, learning, escaping, denying, facing...



I like New Years.

It makes you feel like you can start again.  I can afford to start again.  And again.

And again.

School is going okay.  It will get better.  We are doing a new schedule when we start in January.  More for my sake than the girls.  Oh, probably for Samuel's sake, too.

Speaking of Samuel, I am thankful for the opportunity to spend so.much.time. on my knees.

It is tough.

Tougher than I want to talk about.

Or think about.

Or face.

But GOD is good.  And I am thankful.

I am thankful GOD allows free will.  I am thankful I can't 'save' anyone.  I am thankful that I can't be bitter about people's choices, because they are theirs to make.

Sometimes my heart breaks for them.  Specially when I know the consequences.  And when they know the consequences and still go ahead.  And the consequences happen... to their shock.

And then the anger appears.  As though it is anyone's fault but their own.

Then the arrogance and pride kicks in.

And then the separation.

Good grief, let me move on!!!

Son #1 GOT MARRIED!!!!!!

The wedding was so beautiful.  It was on the 21st and needless to say, it was Christmas-y.  And dreamy; and romantic.  The bride, who is now my daughter in law, looked absolutely stunning.  I know brides are suppose to look like that, but if you saw her, you would agree with me.  

Speaking of.. I have a daughter in law!!!

How cool is that??!!??!

And I'm not gonna lie...she is a good DIL.  I pray we have a good relationship.  I love bragging about her.  She gives me loads to brag about.  :)

Grandson #1   gets cuter and cuter by the minute.  I don't know how we were the lucky ones who got such a cute grandson, but HEY....not going to complain.

The 'twins' are doing well.  True blue sisters.  Arguing, loving, laughing, helping, giving the skank eye, falling asleep in each other's bed when they are afraid of something, teaching and learning from each other.

Yup. they are doing quite well.

Love them to pieces.

They make it easy, too.

This new year is going to be good.  I hope to draw into a deeper relationship with my King.  When that happens, everything else will fall into place.

Not saying everything will be perfect.  In fact, things have a way to looking worse sometimes.  Just saying the anchor will be in the right place.

I wish you a holy and beautiful New Year.  May you know HIS presence.  HE does not need your belief or your love.  HE still is.  And I pray you get tot know HIM, and if you already do, may you know HIM better everyday.

FINALLY!

It is now 11:04pm on Tuesday Dec. 18th.

Why is this significant?

Because I am finally done with this day and I will FINALLY watch the first Christmas movie of the season.

Sheesh.  I hope I don't fall asleep.

What did I pick?

Why...my favorite Christmas movie of course.

I know a lot of people will read this and think I just don't get it.

Fine, I don't, but my favorite Christmas movie is....




While You Were Sleeping.  <3




I will still watch the other movies.  Home Alone 1 & 2, Elf,  It's a Wonderful Life,  Charlie Brown Christmas, etc., even if some of them get watched on or AFTER Christmas. Day

But While You Were Sleeping is dear to my heart.  I don't even know why.

But I do know this.  I love it that Bill Pullman is not...his brother.

I am a bit of a fan of the blue collar worker.

It is true.

I like it that my husband works with his hands.  There is something manly about this to me.  There is something about the fact that when he holds my hand, it is a rough hand that is holding mine, not a smooth soft one.  It makes me feel like his hands are strong and true.  They are scarred and slightly dirty regardless of how much he washed them. The nails are not perfect and slightly rough around the edges.Though cut and blistered, they are unable to keep a bandage on because they are in constant movement.  When he touches my face, the tenderness comes from the touch, not the feel.

I am not saying that white collar workers are not hard working. And true.

I am just saying that I am a bigger fan of a man who works with his hands.  And his brains.  :)

Golly, how did I get on this subject??!!??!!

Oh yes.  Off to watch my favorite Christmas movie.

And I won't fall asleep.

I won't.

***yawn***

4 more days!

On another note...

We have a wedding in 4 MORE DAYS!!!!

I am getting excitingly nervous.  Why?  I don't know.  lol

I have a confession.

I never did go dress shopping for myself.  My mom, who is a professional shopper (ok fine, she isn't, but she should be!) found a dress, bought it home, had me try it and viola! DONE!

And it was the right price, too!

For those of you who need my mom for such a thing, if you just can't get excited about shopping for yourself...you can rent her.

Kidding.

She is amazing, though.

John looks like a Lord of The Rings character, in a suit.

Messes with the mind, people...messes with the mind.

The girls just about floated when they went to get their flower girl dresses fitted.  The seamstress told me Elena's shoes did not fit well.  She was walking like she was crippled.

I had to explain she has cerebral palsy.

She almost died with embarrassment.  I told her it was fine, she didn't know, and life is too short.

She still almost died.  Dear woman.  Oh well.  Not the fist time.  Won't be the last.

My mom's dress....fabulous.  She look so majestic and beautiful.  But than again, she IS majestic and beautiful.  She asked me if I wanted a dress like that and I had to say, um, no.

First, John would die if I wore a dress like that.  Second, it is too old for me.  But for my mom...perfect.  I love seeing her in it.  <3

( YES, I KNOW I am a grandmother and I am old.  I am TOTALLY okay with that.  I love my status as such. But certain styles...)

My poor future daughter in law.  She is so busy.  I remember, I wish we could help.  But I think sometimes, when you have momentum, it is hard to give up or change the chart/plan/list just so someone could help.

Anyway, 4 more days.  I hope it is a lovely day.

And for the record, snow does not account for a lovely day for me.  My husband? Totally.  ME?  Never.   But lovely for what THEY think will be lovely weather on their wedding day.

The Day Life Stood Still. Again

Friday was a rough day.  We drove into the city for a Christmas Day in the City.  It is a yearly thing with us, and usually enjoyable.

This year was no different.  Mostly enjoyable...for the girl's sake.

But John, Samuel & I, we were burdened with the heartache in CT.

We heard the news on the drive in.  And seeing as how traffic in the city stinks, we heard a lot.

We enjoyed the Museum, Rockefeller Center, American Girls Place, ect...

And afterwards we ran home because our church had planned to get together at someone's house and go Christmas caroling.

How could we carol on such a day?

We decided we would still go door to door but NOT sing.  We had baked cookies to give and had a message of hope attached.  Not for the specific day, but for life.

Because our only hope is in HIM.

Anything else dies or fails at one point.

True story.

HE alone is Lord of everything.

That being said, we all struggle with 'how could a loving GOD allow such horror to happen to innocent children?'

I have used so many lines of reasoning in the past.  This Sunday our pastor said it in one sentence.

(GOD doesn't desire this!! Are you crazy??!!?)

But for GOD to take away evil, HE would need to take away free will.

There it is in a nutshell.

There in lies our truth.  HE will never MAKE you pick HIM.  HE will never make you be good or bad.  HE will never make you follow/love/serve HIM.  It is by your own choice, your own free will, your own decision.

One of the fathers of one of the victims stated this.  I cried.  This man has exactly the kind of faith I hope to walk. Always.  In the good, the bad, the ugly.  He was broken.  He was devastated. He was robbed.  He was forgiving.  He remained faithful. He continued to trust.

He stated it was a choice.  The kind of choices we ALL make every day.  Do we want to do good, or do we want to do evil?

This poor young man also had issues.

They are the kind of issues that are hard to face for some people.  I pray people are not ignorant enough to freak out about the mentally ill.  Not all mentally ill lose it to that level.  Sometimes the 'normal'  :P people are more violent/reckless/mindless.

There is the gun control issue.

Also a hard line of reasoning.  My thoughts on this are simple.  Most people who own guns legally are more often than not, responsible.  Many who don't own guns or are pro massive guns control are an enigma to me.  When asked innocently if they have M-rated for violence video games or watch or own Terentino films/Kill Bill type films that encourage mindless and reckless killing, this is your entertainment??!!??  Well they start getting all bent out of shape and say...it is just...fill in the blank.

I refuse to get into conversation with such people.  The hypocrisy is too great.

Yes, I am a gun person.

Yes, I know the great responsibility that goes with that.  May my life reflect that.  It is not just a right, it is a deep responsibility and solemn humbling decision.

The rest of the irresponsible/violent people who own guns, they really don't NEED a gun in order to kill if that is their intent.  I can attach too many links to this.  Too many to count.  I started to look it up and had to stop from the heartache, depression.  None of them involved guns.

The problem is...

We have a culture of death in our nation.

We glorify it in our entertainment.

We demand it with our unwanted unborn or our too old.

We are afraid of weapons because we no longer have a moral compass.

We have a culture of no personal responsibility in our nation.

We can no longer say something is wrong.  We live in a relative society.  If it works for you... There are no longer consequences for our children's actions. In fact, we excuse them and stick up for our children even of they are in the wrong and ignore our teacher's comments.  We no longer want the responsibility for raising our children.  We expect our schools to teach every little thing.  We gave up our responsibilities as parents and wonder where our children went wrong.

Parents used to ask teachers to tell them when Johhny or Suzie did something wrong.  They made it a point to demand it.  And when told what little Johnnie/Suzie did, they dealt with it.  The children knew something was coming, and it was not a reward. It was enough that the next time temptation came, they remembered the consequences.

But the reality is, there are boundaries.  There is good and bad. There are consequences that are worsein the end than if we dealt with them from the start here at home.

Yes, I know parents who are responsible.  Whether their child is at home, in public school or private school.  I say THANK YOU!!!  But they are a dwindling in numbers.

Fear and selfishness rules.

I suffer from this, too.

I fight it everyday.

I fail more often then I wish to admit.

I will make mistakes.

BUT I will not blame anything or anyone for my choices. And the consequenses for my choices.

I am no saint.  I think I say that all the time.  I know this for a fact.

I will continue to say it.

But this is a fact, too:

HE is KING.

Let HIM.

HE followed me in.

My oldest son gets married in 9 days!!  YES, can you believe it NINE days!!

You know what that means?

I REALLY needed to get my hair done.

It had been months.  Last night, my daughter and grandson ( have I mentioned he sure is beautiful??!!??) were over to the house for dinner.  I got more than a few suggestions on how to get said hair done.

Fair enough... it looked horrible.  Dead. Gross. Nasty. Wear-a-hat-every-single-day bad.

SO, this morning, off I went to get the roots done on my 'grey' streak, and a decent cut.

I went to my cousin's hair dresser.  My cousin is one of those people who always has fabulous hair.  I mean a.l.w.a.y.s.  I think she crawls our of bed looking like that.  I should sleep over one night to verify this.


ANYWAY, I figured, maybe she could do some kind of miracle.

Boy did she ever.

I walked in with the weight of the world in my heart.  It has been a hard, oppressive, spiritually drowning last couple of weeks. Maybe even months. But, hey...that is life sometimes, right?

I told her what I wanted done and as she told me later, she thought to herself...piece of cake.

And then...HE walked in.

Yes, that HE...the Great I AM.  The KING of KINGS, the ALMIGHTY, The Creator of Heaven and Earth, the Savior, Redeemer and Lord.

HIM.  Whom I love.  But I had forgotten why.

I can't even tell you how we started talking on this, but before I knew it, HE used her to remind me, to encourage me to continue the good fight, to get out of the pit, to remember who HE is, and who the enemy is, and who won.  To remember the HOPE, to remember the future, to remember today and to remember why we have knees.

I have stubborn hair.

LOL

It took over 2 hours to get it to the right color.  That Native American hair of mine.  I love it, and today I loved it even more.  It made me sit there and share/cry/laugh/hope/be encouraged/listen and, yes, even be still and know that HE is GOD.

So, this particular hair dresser is in the mall.  I hardly ever go to the mall.  Even if there are three 20 minutes from my house.

I think the people at the salon were not less than slightly freaked out, or at the least terribly curious.  These 2 crazy woman crying, laughing, sharing, getting excited, talking and crying again.  For over 2 hours.

HE is good.

All the time.

And my hair...well it looks pretty darn good, too.  AND...it feels like silk.

Wedding?  Bring it on.

My hair looks awesome, and heart is renewed.

Who knew??!!?

HE did.  <3

Sad Day

I know sad days are suppose to be catastrophic and painful.

So, let me begin with the fact that this is not catastrophic and painful.

But for me, it is sad.

Two and a half years years ago, for my birthday, my parents gave me something that I have been begging for for about 2 years.

They gave me my nook.

I love my nook.  It has/d 3G. So I could buy a book anywhere.  ANYWHERE!!  Do you know how awesome that is??!!??!

I love to read.  My house (basement) is full of books.  They are a little over powering. Specially when you have a small home.  And you are a homeschooler.  Double-whammy trouble.

ANYWAY, I was minding my own business one evening, reading into the morning, when all of a sudden, I went to turn the page and it blanked out.  I couldn't turn it back on.

Usually it will tell you to charge soon because the battery is dying, so this was shocking.

It died.

Last night I took it to B&N to see if they could fix it.  I was there for almost an hour and a half, hoping/praying.

While I was there, another woman was there wanting her nook fixed also.  Wait, no.  She did not want it fixed, she wanted it replaced.  A brand new one.  The newest most modern one.  She was angry because they were not going to replace it, just fix it, because it was fixable right there and then.

Not me.  I want THIS one. I am not interested in bells & whistles.  I don't want everything under the sun at my fingertips.  I want this nook with my 3G.

I want my books.

Period.

Well...

It died.

Sad day.

Here is my plug for B&N.  They offered to replace it with another nook of my choice for 1/2 the price. I thought that was incredibly generous, because quite frankly, my warranty had expired a while ago, and what probably happened to it had to do with something I did to it.( read: youngest son did to it).  They could have just said 'Stinks to be you', and made me buy a new one for full price.

Generous, I tell you.

Ladies & Gents, I think in this world, I would be considered a loser.

I picked the simple touch.

No bells & whisltles.  Just the books, people, just the books.

My husband has a nook color.

 I have to admit, it is pretty cool.  But it is not for me. He likes bell & whistles, though he will never admit it.

Anyway, I will miss the 3G terribly.

Finally ( the name of my nook, when you started it, it would say FINALLY is starting up.  lol.  Seriously, I was so happy I FINALLY got one) was a good friend. It went with me everywhere I went.  It made me laugh, it made me cry, it taught me lessons and entertained me. I was there when I was frustrated, and when I was over anxious.  And it had The Word of GOD at my fingertips, anytime I wanted without the physical weight that ususally comes along with that.

I stole moments with it when I was waiting for the baking to be done, when at the doctor's, when I couldn't sleep again, when I was waiting for my husband to get in the car, when I needed to escape my reality and when I needed to get grounded in my circumstances again..

Good bye dear friend.  It was a good run.

I wonder what I should name my new one...



PS, everyone of the readers in my house has their own nook.  I am a big fan.  :)  I thought I would miss the feel/smell/experience of turning the pages of a physical book.  It took about 15 seconds to get over it.  And the sheer number of how many books I have in my nook, not to mention the family has in their own nooks, would be taking up A LOT space in our house, so it is worth it.  AND you can get library books on it, just like a real book from the library... for FREE!!!!  <3

I See It WIth My Own 4 Eyes

I read an interesting article this morning.

In reality, I knew this to be true. But someone had the nerve to print it and let the chips fall where they may.  I admire people like that.

(It may help to read the article HERE as I am going to refer to it.  Or at least make references to the concept.)

The funny part, not ha ha-funny, but things-that-make-you-go-huh funny, is that Samuel & I were discussing this self same thing on Sunday.

Gender roles.  Marriage. Responsibilities.

Gender roles are an interesting subject in this day & age.  People are fighting furiously to blur the lines and make everyone the same... everything 'equal'.

Except people are paying an interesting price for it.   In fact, the general anger/apathy/carelessness(not care-free, that is totally different) in the hearts of the younger generation, mine included, though I am a grandmother ( he is just so beautiful <3 ) is heartbreaking.  And destructive.

People, well, women, don't only want their cake & eat it, too, which is what one is suppose to do with cake, so this is not a bad thing, but they want men's cake, too.  Not just a piece, but the whole cake, fork, plate, and hey...give me the milk, too

And what we get is women who are miserable because they ate too much, are committed to eating to much, hate those around them as if people walked by and gave them the extra cake, and protect their pieces of cake viciously, even if it is what causes their miserable life to begin with!!!

(please excuse the fact that I ended with a preposition)

Now before anyone starts flipping out, and I know it is probably the majority, I am not about being a 'second class citizen'.

I am all about Biblical equality.  Moral equality; where the man & woman have equally important roles and live in harmony.  The man cannot look down on the woman's part because it really does complete him.  It gives him peace, confidence and strength to conquer his role.   And the woman does not covet the man's part because, well...why??!!??

You can come to my house on any given day, and there is a good chance you will find my son outside chopping something, building something,  'shooting' something, climbing something, playing war, trying really hard not to burn the house down, bugging his little sisters unmercifully but if anyone else tries to hurt then in any way having to answer to him and it will get ugly, being dragged inside to do his chores, and trying to escape every chance he gets to get back out there and do his thing.  And my girls?  They are taking care of their babies, doing each other's hair, painting, doing crafts, reading ( or at least making up stories as they turn the pages) looking for the next thing to clean.  No joke. Etc...

And I had nothing to do with it.

You may yell out, " YES YOU DID!!  Probably with out knowing it!!!"  But see, I was raised with that thinking.  'Go out and get every one's piece of pie.'  I fight it every single day.  My family suffers because of it.  It is more natural for me to sneak in my garbage.

But GOD is good.  And faithful.  And right.

And my kids just are this way.

I am just trying to nurture it.  I will fail.  They will struggle. GOD is faithful.

I am glad my girls are girls.  My boys are boys.  May they never question or hate their part.  May they rejoice in their roles.

And as far as the world, who wants to be a covetous, obese, angry soul?!?

They can have it.

They can hate.

I am okay with that.

We are in the teens! And random thoughts.

So, 19 days from today, my oldest son is getting married!

It is quite a change to be the mother of the groom as opposed to when I was the MOB.

Not bad, but dog-gone super easy.

I am feeling kind of bad and useless, but is reality, it is what it is.

Funny, our daughter got married on the 4th of July, and now our son is getting married 4 days before Christmas.

I hope our next child who gets married does it on a date like August 4.  NOTHING happens in August.

I mean n.o.t.h.i.n.g.  

Still, I have to admit, this Christmas wedding is looking and sounding just... beautiful.

Which reminds me, I should go pick up the girls' flower girl dresses!  Holy Moses, I forgot about them!!!

We missed Sunday School today.  It was not intentional, but when my husband pulls out his trumpet and starts playing Christmas music on it ( he is a FANTASTIC player and I love to hear him play) and the girls' eyes pop out of their heads in fascination, and then they start singing along, and laughing and calling out requests...

well, these are the things life are made out of.  These are the moments they will remember.

And how can I pull them away from that??!!?

Our chickens are doing well.

And by that I mean they have not frozen to death.

As far as laying, well the production has gone down a bit in the cold.  I thinking I am going to request the love of my life  to put in a big window in their coop.  And maybe insulated it better.  That may help.

But I love this picture.   It just doesn't get more real than this.

We had a date tonight!! 

It has been tooooooo long.  We went out to dinner and a movie.

My Steelers were playing; I refused to start watching the game.  If I started, I would not have walked away from it.  I would have said...let's go after, and then, he would have been too tired.

I even refused to find out the score.  Again, if it was close, I would have sneaked a peek and that would have been that.

And I am glad we went.

My husband was looking particularly handsome tonight.  It was nice to see his face without the distractions of children chattering and needing something or another during dinner.

Mind you, I am not complaining about dinner with the children, just enjoying the quiet and the view.

:D

It is too cold.  I wish we lived in the south west.  I am tired of being cold already and it is just barely December. 

By the middle of February, I just don't even want to get out of bed.  I get cold to the bones, and it takes forever and 1/2 hour to get semi-warm again.  I say again as if I was ever warm in the first place. lol.

Ok, it is time for bed. 

Tomorrow is the beginning of a new week, new possibilities, new hopes, and bringing us closer to that special date, when my son and my future daughter in law become one in HIM!